Love and Fuck It's
Growing up it seemed as though all your friends in school had parents living in the same household. Kids often felt like an outcast or embarrassed if their home was unstable. Often at times kids wouldn't disclose any information and kept it private at what was happening at home. Today, it seems as though things are much more different. It's now common perhaps to have a broken home. So the question is, how does it start? When does it get this bad? When is enough? When is it time to say fuck it? Are you giving up too soon? Why did the falling out happen? What did I do wrong? What did you do wrong? Is it me? Did you cheat? Was it a complete blind sight?
Maybe it isn't as simple as one question, maybe it is more. Are there children involved? Did you perhaps get married for all the wrong reasons? Divorce rates in Canada have risen since we were little, yes, but has it always been this easy to get a divorce? There are legit reasons why some relationships should end in divorce, please let it be known that THAT itself is understandable and I am not excusing any bad behavior or abuse relations. I am just simply talking about the cheating, the lying, the manipulating, the falling out of love, the blaming, the resenting, the arguing, the belittling, the no more sex....
What happened in those relationships? Where did that 18 year old boy/girl go that you fell in love with 10/15/20 years ago? Did marriage change them? Did it change you? Did your expectations ruin you?
I am trying to understand if it's just that or more than that. Perhaps it's not your spouse at all, perhaps it is just you who did all the changing. Maybe it's that or maybe it's not. Maybe it is children. Once a baby comes into your lives your relationship is no longer about your spouse. It's now about the baby. Then add in another baby or two and you've totally forgotten how to love your spouse. Instead you're barking orders at each other or mumbling unnecessary comments under your breath. When did you stop being a team and start being enemies?
Do you live like this forever? Do you fight it or ignore it? Do you wait until it gets so bad that you can't stand it anymore? Or do you simply remind each other that it's ok and that you love each other. That the little things like a dirty kitchen or mounds of laundry really truly don't matter. What matters at the end of the day is you and your spouse and how you make each other feel.
Are you taking the time to make your spouse feel wanted? Are you taking the time to reassure them that they're an amazing parent/worker/household keeper/laundry attendant/psychiatrist/therapist? Because if you're not doing that and you're not being supportive, loving, caring, understanding and instead you're blaming, ignoring, belittling, ragging then maybe perhaps the reason your relationship is not working at all is because you're being selfish.
Take a moment, take a breather whatever it is you need to do and remind yourself why you fell in love with this person in the first place? Was it because they were selfish, belittling? Or was it because they were loyal, truthful, faithful, loving, caring? Start taking cues and start listening to your partners wants and needs and allow yourself to fix your small issues before those small issues now become larger than what you can deal with on your own. Don't be that person who makes a mistake and regrets it the rest of their life. Only you have the ability to make a change and make things better. Only you can prevent your divorce rate.
“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”
― Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil
Maybe it isn't as simple as one question, maybe it is more. Are there children involved? Did you perhaps get married for all the wrong reasons? Divorce rates in Canada have risen since we were little, yes, but has it always been this easy to get a divorce? There are legit reasons why some relationships should end in divorce, please let it be known that THAT itself is understandable and I am not excusing any bad behavior or abuse relations. I am just simply talking about the cheating, the lying, the manipulating, the falling out of love, the blaming, the resenting, the arguing, the belittling, the no more sex....
What happened in those relationships? Where did that 18 year old boy/girl go that you fell in love with 10/15/20 years ago? Did marriage change them? Did it change you? Did your expectations ruin you?
I am trying to understand if it's just that or more than that. Perhaps it's not your spouse at all, perhaps it is just you who did all the changing. Maybe it's that or maybe it's not. Maybe it is children. Once a baby comes into your lives your relationship is no longer about your spouse. It's now about the baby. Then add in another baby or two and you've totally forgotten how to love your spouse. Instead you're barking orders at each other or mumbling unnecessary comments under your breath. When did you stop being a team and start being enemies?
Do you live like this forever? Do you fight it or ignore it? Do you wait until it gets so bad that you can't stand it anymore? Or do you simply remind each other that it's ok and that you love each other. That the little things like a dirty kitchen or mounds of laundry really truly don't matter. What matters at the end of the day is you and your spouse and how you make each other feel.
Are you taking the time to make your spouse feel wanted? Are you taking the time to reassure them that they're an amazing parent/worker/household keeper/laundry attendant/psychiatrist/therapist? Because if you're not doing that and you're not being supportive, loving, caring, understanding and instead you're blaming, ignoring, belittling, ragging then maybe perhaps the reason your relationship is not working at all is because you're being selfish.
Take a moment, take a breather whatever it is you need to do and remind yourself why you fell in love with this person in the first place? Was it because they were selfish, belittling? Or was it because they were loyal, truthful, faithful, loving, caring? Start taking cues and start listening to your partners wants and needs and allow yourself to fix your small issues before those small issues now become larger than what you can deal with on your own. Don't be that person who makes a mistake and regrets it the rest of their life. Only you have the ability to make a change and make things better. Only you can prevent your divorce rate.
“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”
― Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil
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